Apologies for last week's missing blogs

Two weeks ago, all members of the Illuminati, the Denial Industy, The Elders of Zion and the Freemasons were contacted in the middle of the night and whisked away in Black Hawk helicopters to attend the annual Top Level Conspiracy. When I arrived at Bohemian Grove, California, it was looking particularly verdant and lovely for the time of year - but when I discovered that my bunk-mate was Dick Cheney I was, too say the least, little pissed off. Last year I bunked with George Clooney and made a bomb from selling his used socks, undies, toothbrushes etc.

It was a miserable meeting with a lot of backbiting. The 2000 meeting was a jolly singsong in contrast. Back then, both Presidential candidates were members of the Skull & Crossbones society at Yale. Bush simply had a better average in the beer bong contest - Gore new it wasn't his turn and nothing could be done. If he'd just waited his turn until 2008 everything would have been fine.

Now look at the cock-up! We have ExxonMobil and BP-Amoco supporting McCain, Monsanto and GE-Westinghouse supporting Obama. Creatinionst supporting Palin, Catholics supporting Biden. This is exactly what Bohemian Grove is supposed to iron out! At least we can be sure that Nader will run - so all the crackheads and people with alien chips in their brains will be instantly identifiable as they come out of the polling booths (apparently that's the best possible time for abductions and experiments).

Naturally, I have come back from all these TOP LEVEL meetings with instructions on how to cope with all the new data that the Earth is cooling again. For example, the increase in sea ice at the North Pole is a totally expected sign of climate catastrophe; similarly, the minor hurricane Gustaf proves that global warming is on the rise.

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